Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize