She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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