Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
