I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
