why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
