She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
