You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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