I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize