And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
