$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
