a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
