So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
