I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
