things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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