I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
