He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
