Christians are straight up FREAKS
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
