So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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