my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
