is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
North Korea, Best Korea!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
