You really coming over, don't trick.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize