I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
