Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
