no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
