There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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