I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
