you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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