That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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