but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
