I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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