I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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