Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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