Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
