the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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