i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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