I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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