Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
