I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
