I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
