Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
