p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
