Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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