imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
