ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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