It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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