Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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