i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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