Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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