So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How does one acquire holy water?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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