I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
