cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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