have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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