my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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