Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
