Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
