Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
