I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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