He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize