It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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