I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
