smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
