So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
