you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
