her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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