I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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