I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
