Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
