i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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