if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
