I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
