I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
