Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
