haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize