pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
