ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
