The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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