maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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